We Have a Choice

Everything we do is a choice. Unless someone is blackmailing us, using extortion against us, or coercing us by force, we alone are responsible for the choices we make. 

Someone will say "but you don't know what he did to me...he left me no choice!".  Nope, wrong answer. We always have a choice.

"But she knows that I get upset when she does such & such. I had no choice but to show her that she can't get away with that". Again, we always have a choice.

"This person hurt my family member!" --- once again, we have a choice in how we respond.

"Yeah, but that person cut me off in traffic & nearly caused an accident" -- I can relate to this one...& yes, I have the choice in how I will respond.

See the problem today is that people don't want to take responsibility for their own actions. There is plenty of blame tossing going around & not enough ownership. Two people get into an argument & both will blame the other, even though both are engaging in the argument & one could simply walk away or refuse to engage the other.

A child may get a bad grade in school or a star athlete may be denied to play in his school's basketball game because he slacked off & is failing a class. Plenty of parents have blamed the teacher when the truth is that the child hasn't been taught the value of taking responsibility for his actions.

Or how about the Presidential candidate who posts an unflattering photo of his competitor's wife & when confronted with the fact that he went too far, exclaims "but HE started it"? Or that same candidate who extols the need to stop American companies from outsourcing their production of  goods to China, while he himself has done the same thing in his own company? When confronted with that inconsistency between what he says he stands for & what he actually does, he claims that it's okay because he is only using the laws that are in practice today which allow companies to outsource to other countries.

The problem with not owning up to our own behaviors is that when we don't take responsibility for ourselves, then we may engage in behaviors that are destructive or hurtful & we may justify doing so because we can blame someone else for making us obligated to retaliate for perceived hurts. This happens a lot in relationships. One person hurts another & both engage in the blame game. If only both could take responsibility for their own contribution to whatever bad situation they are dealing with, then they could actually work on fixing the problem. But that can't happen when there is plenty of blame & not enough personal accountability.

There's an expression in 12-step programs that talks about "cleaning up your own side of the street". There's also a verse in the Bible that tells us to "get the plank out of your own eye before trying to remove the splinter in someone else's". Each day, we are given a blank slate to work with. What we write on that slate is up to us.

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If everyone took care of their own side of the street, there would be no need for a street sweeper. If everyone learned to actually take responsibility for their own choices & behaviors, then there would be a lot more happy people & less evil in the world. Food for thought..... 





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