Sisters

She was the 3rd daughter for my parents. They already had one son at that time & I'm quite certain my brother had hoped for a baby brother instead of yet another girl, but that was not to be. I'm hypothesizing here. I haven't actually asked my brother how he felt about having yet another sister in the family, but c'mon...what boy actually looks forward to being outnumbered 3 to 1 by sisters?

Photo: all-free-download.com

To make matters worse for my poor brother, he had to wait an extra month to find out if he was going to have a little brother or not, because this little baby was born a month late...at least according to legend (every family has them). At last the day arrived & the doctor announced "it's a girl". I can imagine the dismay my brother must have felt on that day, although he likely was used to it by now.


My brother finally got his little brother, followed by yet another sister - me. My parents decided that 6 was enough. I like to think that they were just waiting for me to come along before they stopped having kids. But I digress....this story is about sisters...more specifically, about a particular sister. I'm not mentioning her by name, out of respect for her privacy, so I'll simply refer to her as the initial of her name,"N". Today is her birthday & I have much to say about this sister who is near & dear to my heart. Now I know that the title of my blog is "Help, She Won't Stop Talking", but I assure you that although I said I have much to say, this will not be a "Moby Dick" style of story, but rather, I will attempt to follow (key word here is "attempt") more of a "Reader's Digest Condensed" style.

Photo: Cari Kissel
Randy: 12-3-58 to 12-1-04

N is 6 years older than I am. My brother Randy came along a couple years after N was born. Randy was born with Down Syndrome. I could write numerous blog posts about Randy alone because he was such an awesome guy, with an infectious smile & a mischievous spirit. But what I want to say about Randy with regard to N is that he had a special bond with my sister. She called him her "Fruitcake" & he called her his. She was very loving & patient with him & frequently took him on outings, just the two of them. 

Photo: clipartkid.com

One memory that sticks in my mind is how they often went to Der Wienerschnitzel for a corn dog. Randy loved those trips. I have another memory of my sister with regard to Der Wienerschnitzel. I remember recovering from the stomach flu & N thought it would be a good idea for me to enjoy a corn dog too. I can still taste how it felt, coming back up. Sorry N, I couldn't resist reminding you of that, just like you can't resist reminding me of the homemade soft pretzels I made once & how Randy took those pretzels & banged them on the table because they came out rock hard...

Getting back to N, some of my childhood memories of her include the one I will never let her live down, especially the one where I would tattle to my mother "Mo-ommm, N just hit me as hard as she could". N would reply "no I didn't...If I was going to hit you as hard as I could, I would do THIS", followed by an even harder hit. I can laugh at that memory now because that was just sibling stuff that often happens when kids are growing up. While N used to pick on me (& I'm quite sure that being the little & occasionally annoying sister, I earned it...sometimes), she spent more times having my back. In fact, before my mother died, she promised my mom that she would look out for me. I had been going through an icky divorce & had experienced a lot of challenges up till that point. My mother's mind was put at ease, knowing my sister would make sure I was going to be okay. Of course I was okay on my own merit, but it was a cool thing to know my sister made that promise on my behalf.

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Speaking of my prior marriage, N never liked my ex-husband & she wasn't afraid to let me know how she felt. Like good sisters do, she saw things in him that I, wearing my blinders, couldn't see. She was looking out for me, yet respecting me enough to allow me to make my own choices & live my own life. When I finally saw the things that N saw & I filed for divorce, who was the first to have my back & offer support? My sister N of course! She spent money on airfare & lodging, along with rental car expenses, to support me in court. She opened up her home to me when I first separated from my ex. I put her through a lot of stress during that time, yet she stood by me, unconditionally loving me the way my parents modeled for us kids. She helped me through that difficult time, especially when I was being judged & treated poorly by others as I struggled to get my bearings, make a new life & as I fought for custody of my children. That's what sisters do.

Fast forwarding a few years, my soldier son was deployed to Afghanistan & my daughter was being bullied at school. I had to make some hard choices in order to cope with the stress, but more importantly, to be there for both my kids as best I could. N & I didn't see eye to eye on some things & we stopped speaking to one another. It might be seen by some as a very sad time, but I don't see it that way. You see, disagreements between two people are often just two people both having the best of intentions, yet feeling passionate in their views. Such was the case with us. This time apart in our relationship gave us both a chance to see one another's perspectives & to grow in our personal lives. We worked things out & speaking only for myself since I can't speak for N, I feel that we have a closer bond than ever now. I am profoundly grateful to have my sister N in my life!

Photo: Cari Kissel

Photo: Cari Kissel

After my parents & brother Randy died, our once tight-knit family kind of grew apart a bit. That can happen when the status quo is disrupted by major events & life changes. But my parents instilled strong family values & integrity in their 6 children & although a few branches of our family tree have shed a few leaves, my sister N is taking it upon herself to try to tend to that tree & to help us all remember that with all our branches holding one another up in support, we will have a most beautiful tree that will continue to grow & thrive for years to come.

Before I end this post, I would like to say that I have always admired the following qualities in my sister:

* Her ability to be able to converse with anyone & immediately find & acknowledge something positive about that person

* Her positive, "glass is half full" attitude about life

* Her stubborn determination to never give up & to view life's challenges as a speed bump, rather than a road block

* Her love & devotion to her family, even driving long distances to show support for loved ones

* Her intelligence & artistic ability

* Her willingness to help & to sacrifice while doing so

* Her tremendous wit

* Her faith in God & her desire to please Him

* Her fantastic memory & recall of details - my favorite is how she can quote lines of movies, replete with imitations of the actor speaking those lines

* Her generous & giving heart

* Her fun-loving & youthful spirit that surpasses even those half her age (kayaking, hiking, snowboarding, racketball & so on)

* Her intelligence

* Her dedication to her profession & to providing quality work

* She's one tough cookie & doesn't take guff from anyone

* She's a beautiful lady, inside & out

There are so many more things that I could add to this list, but then this post would be ridiculously long. If any of my family members are reading this, I want them to know that blog posts could be written about each of them as well, however there is a special reason that I am dedicating this post to my sister N:

Family is important. Family bonds shouldn't be broken. We can't choose who our siblings are but we can choose people to be in our lives whom we love like a brother or like a sister. Sometimes, non-blood related friends feel more like family than our own family members do. But it's an extra special blessing when our blood-related siblings are not only people for whom we did not have a choice in being related to, but they are also people for whom we choose to call our own. 

Photo: all-free-download.com

My family went through a lot of changes after the deaths of my parents & brother. Some relationships became fractured a bit. But God is good & He is bringing new growth to our family tree. New leaves are sprouting where the fractured limbs have begun to heal. If there is one thing I think that all of us in my family can agree upon, it is that life is precious & we ought not to take any of our loved ones for granted because no day of life is guaranteed. We ought not waste one single opportunity to show those we love that we love them. 

I am dedicating this particular post to my sister N because today is her birthday & she deserves to know that I am profoundly thankful to have her in my life, & I am glad that we were able to put aside past ridiculousness & appreciate the fact that we are sisters & that we love each other. I want her to know that she means the world to me & that she always will. I want to express my deep love for her & my gratitude to her for her efforts to bring the branches of our family tree into bloom once again. I see healing & growth & I see the branches reaching high toward the sky, basking in the warmth of the sun. I see the soil beneath the tree becoming rich with nutrients as the roots drink in the love that has been occasionally clogged up by rocks & debris. I love every one of my siblings with all my heart & I am so thankful for each of them. But this is the first time in awhile, that I have had the opportunity to let my sister N know just how much she means to me. What better time than today, on this most beautiful day. Just as she has been there for me, I will be there for her. After all, that's what sisters do.

So in closing, I would just like to encourage anyone reading this post to stop what you're doing & think about those in your family. Is your family tree a bit withered & barren? Is there something you can do to help it to grow again? Every family has its qualities & faults. Are the faults really so bad that they can't be overcome? If there is anything that can be done, DO IT! My father, brother & mother all died within an 8-month period. Their deaths shook up my family tree a bit & left it almost barren & parched for awhile. But at its roots was still love, & with tender care, the tree is beginning to show new growth. Life can vanish in the blink of an eye. We sometimes take for granted that people we love will be with us tomorrow, but they can disappear just like that. Is our pride, or our need to be right, or whatever the case may be that keeps people apart or families broken, more important than the actual people that we love? Can hurts be overcome? Can we accept one another, warts & all? These are questions that families ought to ask one another. Love is worth it. Yes it is!!

In that light, I love every single person in my enormously large family. Today however, on my sister N's birthday, I want to wish her, with love always:

                 HAPPY BIRTHDAY & LEG THINGIE!!!

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