Venting, & Other Healthy Habits

It's been awhile since I've written anything here. I haven't felt like writing. Writing for me, is cathartic. It soothes the soul. It ignites something in me that I am passionate about. It gets me motivated to encourage someone else in some way or another. But I've been dead. Too much stress. Too much on my plate & feeling overwhelmed.

That's probably a good thing, because the very few times that anyone reads my posts anyway, it's from scam websites called vampirestat.com or 7secretsearch.com, kallery.net or adsensewatchdog.com ~ sites whose purpose is to generate page views on blogs, in order to drive up the number of page views in a blogger's stats page, so that the blogger will click on the link of the site, wondering who these people are who are driving up their stats, & when they do that, then they direct traffic to their own sites. Drives me nuts. I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I'm  just annoyed at these people. I'd rather get 1 or 2 page views from legitimate people who sincerely want to read my posts, than the 100-200-plus page views I receive from self-serving scammers who only want to redirect me to their own site. Uggh! Sooo....here's where I'm at:

I am a "glass is half full" type of person. If an earthquake was shaking the ground around me, well, rather than freaking out because of the scariness of the shaking, I'd be able to find excitement in the quake & say "wow, what a fun ride!". If I'm worn out from driving all over town for this errand or that, I can be thankful that I have a car with which to drive around town with. But.......

I'm a bit on overwhelm. I'm not complaining, mind you, but I'm just tired. Tired of cleaning up dog urine when her medication makes her so thirsty that she can't hold her bladder. Tired of cleaning up cat barf, because for some unknown reason, our cat keeps barfing. Tired of not feeling so well myself, with my migraines, fatigue, asthma & the occasional chest pain/heart palpitations.

I'm tired of feeling pulled in 20 different directions at once...from playing the part of taxi driver to my child....to trying to keep up with housework....to looking for a job....to trying to juggle bills & make arrangements with creditors....to trying to be a good mother who is attentive to my child's needs, as well as trying to be a good wife....to being a good friend, who helps my friend through some very challenging life circumstances....to trying to help care for our dog & cat during our cat's weird digestive issues & cat litter box routine, & our dog's cancer & concurrent liver/gall bladder infection....Don't get me wrong - I WANT to be there for those who need me, especially for those I love, including my sick pets, my kids, husband & my friends. Sometimes though, I long for a break - you know, the kind of break that involves doing whatever I want, whenever I want, & without anyone putting expectations upon me.

I care about all those in my life, & I don't begrudge anyone for me needing to be there for them or for trying to meet their needs. But somewhere along the line, I have a desperate need to take care of MY needs "too", & sometimes NOT "too", but rather, "instead"....Women are conditioned early on in life though, that to take care of our needs, is to somehow be selfish. That's a bunch of hooey. It's okay to meet our needs, & in fact, we are better at being there for others when we first take care of ourselves. My gut knows that, but try telling that to my brain. My brain thinks it knows it all, but I don't have the heart to tell it that it doesn't!

So I guess what I'm trying to say here, is that sometimes we get overwhelmed. Sometimes it seems like everyone wants a piece of us, & all we are left with by the time everyone is done with us, is the crumbs. Sometimes we need to find a way to define boundaries with people, & tell them that we're going to have to say "no"....or, "maybe later", or even "don't even think about it!". Sometimes we need to be able to say "I'm through doing this for you....it's my turn now". Sounds harsh, but being in a state of stress overwhelm can BE harsh. It is what it is.

Venting helps. Consider me as having vented, & you as having been a participant in my rant, by being my audience. For that, I thank you, because instead of everyone seeming to want a piece of me when I have nothing left to give, I now have people who are letting me have a piece of them, by lending their eyes, as they read my rant, as well as lending their heart to see through to my own heart. This felt good. Thank you!