The wonderful thing about Facebook is that people have their own individual profiles where they can express themselves by posting pictures, status updates, & basically anything they want. Freedom of speech & expression is encouraged on Facebook...so long as you live up to the expectations of others, of course. I've noticed that people have the tendency to post & share what they want on their page, while often judging the posts of others. I know I'm verbose. Duh...anyone who knows me or who has read anything I've written, knows this about me. So when someone sees a lengthy post from me & comments that they didn't read it because it was too long, I have to wonder why they even bothered to take the time to say that to me in the first place, when they could have just scrolled down the page, especially if they had no intention of reading my post. The reason they didn't just scroll down the page was because they wanted to criticize the way I express myself. It's not that I am offended by that, because I just accept that it's their issue, not mine. But I do find it a bit mean.
Then there are those who, on the very rare occasion that I've posted something of a deeply personal nature, will take the time to tell me that what I shared should not have been put on Facebook. When virtually 95% or more of my posts are positive, encouraging, helpful or light-hearted, these people will not comment on, "like", or respond in any manner whatsoever to said posts. But when I share something of a more serious nature, these people suddenly decide that what I have to say merits their attention, judgment & criticism. It kind of takes the joy out of expressing myself when I am judged by people who either don't really know me, or who only consider my posts worthy of their time & attention when they can say something unkind about them. That's not cool.
The odd thing is that I am a Christian & my atheist Facebook friends have actually been the LEAST judgmental & unkind toward me, even when I post things of a religious nature that I know they don't agree with, but which they are considerate enough about, to just scroll down the page & respect that we simply have differing views. By contrast, I have received the most condemnation & judgment from my friends claiming to be Christians, as well as others who may or may not be Christians, but who are very rigid in their beliefs about what they feel people ought to post or not post.
I love Facebook, don't get me wrong. I enjoy seeing life from the perspectives of others. I love getting to know people & having the chance to encourage them as well as to be encouraged. Sometimes, when I'm having a not so good day, I can pop onto Facebook quickly & be laughing 10 seconds later when someone posts a hilarious status or story. My military mom Facebook friends helped me retain my sanity when I worried about my son when he was a soldier, deployed for a year in Afghanistan. When not even my family could understand my mother's anguish & stress, my fellow military moms saved me with their encouraging words & understanding, as people who knew first-hand how I was feeling. I cherish these friends. I have lots of friends on Facebook who mean a lot to me. Although I've had to part ways with some when personalities either clashed or when situations like I mentioned above occurred once too often, for the most part, I have always been so grateful for my Facebook friends. They have been a source of encouragement, laughter & entertainment, as well as inspiration for me to be the best me that I can be. I hope I have been the same for them. But still, taking a break from Facebook has done wonders for me....
I mean, it does get old to see people feuding on Facebook. Some things should be done in private & not put on public display...although again, people should be able to post what they want without people saying what I just said. I just don't like to see people fighting on Facebook. I detest drama & try my best to avoid it.
I also don't like to see people being angry or carrying around a grudge, to the point where I have to be careful what I post or I feel compelled to hide the person from seeing a particular post I make because I know that their mindset is such that they will choose to make an issue out of it & create unnecessary tension.
Then there's those posts that either inform people that they will be cleaning out their friends list (should I be worried that I won't "make the cut"? Do I actually care?)....or how about those posts that threaten to delete those who don't "like" a page or share a post? I don't allow others to dictate my actions. If someone wants to delete me for non-compliance of their demands, have at it! Oh & here's my personal favorite: those posts that have wonderful messages, but at the bottom of the post or meme, it says something along the lines of "share if you love the Lord" or "share if you are a caring person". In other words, if you fail to share the post, you are an uncaring person who hates God. Such a post is put into my mental trashcan as soon as I see those words.
One pet peeve I have is when some mistakenly think that because I'm a fast typist & can "like" or comment on a post at the speed of light & then be off of Facebook, that I must be spending far too much time on Facebook, because they see that I have commented on several posts in 1-5 minutes, before I get offline. That one annoys me because I literally was spending, at most, 30 minutes a day on Facebook, with 10 seconds here, 5 minutes there, throughout the day. I was once told, when I commented on a post, that I should get off of Facebook & spend time with my family. The person had no clue that not only was I spending time with my family, but that I had been on my feet for the past couple of hours taking care of my family's needs by doing laundry, fixing dinner & feeding my family & that while I was waiting for the food to finish cooking, I actually took a quick break to pop onto Facebook for a minute & make my comment. Ugh...people judging without knowing the facts....it would drive me to drink, if I actually liked the taste of alcohol.
Finally, although it has been tempting to reactivate my Facebook account, I'm still not ready to do so. Here's why: A select few of my Facebook friends see that I am logged on (I leave myself logged on even when I'm not on Facebook) & they assume that I am online & available to chat or to read their messages. When I don't reply in what they consider to be a reasonable timeframe, a couple of my friends have become upset with me & have sent me messages intended to make me feel guilty. Or they will contact me, expecting me to get back to them, but when I do, they ignore me. They aren't able to understand, no matter how much I've tried to explain, that they are not my only friend with requests & expectations placed upon me. They can't see that I have a full plate in my personal life & with or without Facebook, my time is already very limited, with lots of people & circumstances each taking a piece of me. Any sacrifices of my time when time is so precious to me, is going to go to my family first & foremost. I don't like game playing & emotional manipulation. So my response to that sort of thing is to keep my distance until things improve. This type of thing is THE BIGGEST REASON why I am staying off of Facebook for a while longer. I know that as soon as I get back online, the expectations put upon me & the hard feelings directed at me when I can't meet those expectations, will begin again. Why not delete those friends, you may ask? Because despite my frustration, these particular friends are actually good people & I value their friendship.
What I have noticed about not being on Facebook these past 3 weeks, is that I no longer wonder who or why someone might be judging me....someone who doesn't really, truly know me, who I am or what I represent. I've noticed that those with whom I have stayed in touch & put my focus into after I began my Facebook fast, are those people in my life who mean the most to me. It's not that my friends on Facebook don't matter to me, but it's just that we are all human beings with good & bad traits. It's been a breath of fresh air to not be exposed to the negative aspects of Facebook for a little while. While I wish I could say that during my absence from Facebook, that I learned a new language, landed that perfect job or organized my home in such a way that would make Martha Stewart proud, the fact is, Facebook really didn't take up enough of my time that would provide me with enough extra time to do these things if I cut Facebook out of my life. The truth is, some people take Facebook WAY too seriously. My life simply does not revolve around Facebook, contrary to what some people believe. I have a life I want to live & I just don't want to waste it by giving too much priority to a computer screen & the drama behind it.
I still have a full plate, but I have less distractions while I'm trying to clean that plate. I miss the friends I have communicated the most with on Facebook, but what I had missed the most when I WAS on Facebook, was the peace of mind that came with not feeling pressure to not disappoint my friends. It was getting to the point where, despite the fact that I am secure in who I am & although I am a strong person, I was feeling like I could no longer be myself & I couldn't enjoy Facebook merely for the entertainment value anymore. People were becoming too serious, too uptight, too negative & judgmental, & frankly, if I want to entertain myself with all that negativity, I could simply just turn on the evening news. When I DO come back to Facebook, I will be a different person. I will no longer explain or justify myself to anyone who is judging me. I will also stop feeling guilty for not living up to the expectations of others. But for now, I think I'll keep enjoying my blissful break from Facebook for a little while longer.
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