People often think it takes a lot of effort to be kind, especially when the person one is trying to be kind to has just severed that person's last nerve.
Being kind is a choice. We can choose to be polite, kind, compassionate, patient, considerate etc., or we can choose to be difficult, obstinate, rude, inconsiderate, mean, vindictive & the list goes on.
I am usually kind as a first course of action. If someone sees the side of me that they would consider to be mean, then they have either severed that last nerve (as I mentioned above), or they witnessed someone else do so.
It takes a lot for me to reach that point however, where I will snap back with a rude retort to someone, or will "gear up for battle" when I feel justified in doing so. Usually, those subjected to that side of me have been warned or given multiple chances to avoid that negative response.
Unless we're talking about my road rage....
I don't really "rage", per se....but let's just say that my husband is sometimes nervous when I'm the one behind the wheel.
I could lead RRA Meetings (Road Rage Anonymous) if there were such a thing....I'm doing better though, & am in "recovery" [side note: I am not making fun of any 12-step program...I have great respect for these programs...I am merely stating in a light-hearted manner that there ought to be a program for those with road rage]
I digress....
Being kind isn't just for nice people, nor is being kind something that is out of reach for the big meanies of the world. EVERYONE has it in them to be kind. We're not wired to be good or bad. We're wired to CHOOSE whether we will be good or bad, with the hope that we will choose to be good.
It's easier for some to be kind than it is for others. There will always be people who will take advantage of those with a kind heart. Such people will be upset when those kind people finally stand up for themselves, or when the gravy train reaches its final destination & there's no more free ride.
Then there are those who will not be kind unless there's something in it for them. When such people actually do something without an ulterior motive behind it, they are looked upon with suspicion & mistrust.
Of course there are those who fall in the middle, & they can be very kind., sincerely so...when they want to be. But they have to want to be kind...at that moment...toward that person.
The bottom line is this:
Being kind is a choice. It's not something we should have to work hard at (unless we're dealing with a grouchy, mean person or with a constant complainer who has a negative "Eeyore mentality" who would find fault with Heaven!! It's difficult to be kind to such people, & it can be easy to want to slap the stupid out of them.....oops, I really didn't mean that.....well, I kinda did....well, no, I didn't....I think).
When we're arguing with someone, we can choose to continue arguing, becoming mad at each other, get all stressed out, OR........ wait for it..........wait for it...........
We can be NICE!! We don't always have to win every battle. Heck, we don't always have to go into battle in the first place. We don't have to be first all the time. We can allow someone else to win, to lead, to be in front, to have their way, to be right, to be in the spotlight & so on.
When someone is rambling on & on, we can of course shoot them a rude retort & they will hopefully shut up. OR............wait for it......
We can be NICE!! We can try to see that perhaps they may have the need to be heard, probably more than they have the need to speak. We can give them the kindness of listening, faking an attentive nod & mutter a pretend "uh huh" now & then. But if we can't manage that, we can at least tell them kindly that we'd love to hear more, but we have to floss our teeth or plunge the toilet or something.
When that lady at the store who stood behind you in line rudely insists that she was first, when she obviously was not, you can choose to stand up to her & make an awkward scene, or you can ignore her & "pick your battles", deciding that this is one battle not worth your time. You can show her kindness.
When your spouse or child does something that upsets you, you can choose to look for a bad motive on their part, or you can give them the benefit of the doubt. Nine times out of ten, giving others the benefit of the doubt BEFORE reacting, prevents conflicts.
Many conflicts can be avoided if people would give others the benefit of the doubt before reacting to upsetting behaviors. Any parent of a teenager can vouch for that. Teens are often quick to jump to conclusions & then reacting, & parents are often quick to mis-read a teenager's motives as being driven by disrespect or defiance, when those thoughts might not have even entered their teenager's mind.
One can be kind by simply smiling at someone. You'd be surprised at the tone that is set with a smile. Some people having a bad day can change their demeanor just because someone smiled at them.
Think that being kind makes you weak? Quite the contrary. It can make you strong. Anyone can be mean. No strength is required to be rude. It takes a strong-minded person to extend kindness to someone who may seem unworthy.
People sometimes fear kindness because being kind makes one vulnerable. Don't mistake kindness for being vulnerable to being hurt. You will be hurt in life whether you choose to be kind or not. Being kind actually can bring good things your way because people respond better to kindness than to being treated poorly.
Even if the service at the restaurant isn't the best, leaving a tip for your server is an act of kindness that shows that you appreciate your server bringing you food. Servers often depend on these tips to bridge the gap between low wages & their ability to pay their bills. Likewise, treating anyone who serves you, with basic respect & kindness, whether it's your hairdresser, manicurist, cashier etc., can have a domino effect, whereby that person will likely pass the kindness shown to them, on to someone else.
Is it REALLY that important to be in front of the other driver, so much so that you won't allow them to enter your lane? Could you not have allowed them to be in your lane for just a few seconds so that they could make their exit? What will you gain by inconveniencing another driver intentionally, whose only "offense" was that they needed to get into your lane so that they could exit the freeway? Showing courtesy to other drivers is an act of kindness & could even prevent an accident.
When people are rude, boorish, obnoxious, overly needy or demanding or just plain mean, you can make the choice that you are going to extend kindness to them. It might make the difference between that person continuing to have a rotten day, or their day getting just a little bit brighter. Don't care if their day is brighter? That's fine. Make your own day brighter by being kind. It actually works!
**Have an opinion about this post? I would truly appreciate your feedback in the comment section below, or in the confidential feedback form on this page.**
I am usually kind as a first course of action. If someone sees the side of me that they would consider to be mean, then they have either severed that last nerve (as I mentioned above), or they witnessed someone else do so.
It takes a lot for me to reach that point however, where I will snap back with a rude retort to someone, or will "gear up for battle" when I feel justified in doing so. Usually, those subjected to that side of me have been warned or given multiple chances to avoid that negative response.
Unless we're talking about my road rage....
I don't really "rage", per se....but let's just say that my husband is sometimes nervous when I'm the one behind the wheel.
I could lead RRA Meetings (Road Rage Anonymous) if there were such a thing....I'm doing better though, & am in "recovery" [side note: I am not making fun of any 12-step program...I have great respect for these programs...I am merely stating in a light-hearted manner that there ought to be a program for those with road rage]
I digress....
Being kind isn't just for nice people, nor is being kind something that is out of reach for the big meanies of the world. EVERYONE has it in them to be kind. We're not wired to be good or bad. We're wired to CHOOSE whether we will be good or bad, with the hope that we will choose to be good.
 |
| Photo: all-free-download.com |
It's easier for some to be kind than it is for others. There will always be people who will take advantage of those with a kind heart. Such people will be upset when those kind people finally stand up for themselves, or when the gravy train reaches its final destination & there's no more free ride.
Then there are those who will not be kind unless there's something in it for them. When such people actually do something without an ulterior motive behind it, they are looked upon with suspicion & mistrust.
Of course there are those who fall in the middle, & they can be very kind., sincerely so...when they want to be. But they have to want to be kind...at that moment...toward that person.
The bottom line is this:
Being kind is a choice. It's not something we should have to work hard at (unless we're dealing with a grouchy, mean person or with a constant complainer who has a negative "Eeyore mentality" who would find fault with Heaven!! It's difficult to be kind to such people, & it can be easy to want to slap the stupid out of them.....oops, I really didn't mean that.....well, I kinda did....well, no, I didn't....I think).
 |
| Photo: all-free-download.com |
When we're arguing with someone, we can choose to continue arguing, becoming mad at each other, get all stressed out, OR........ wait for it..........wait for it...........
We can be NICE!! We don't always have to win every battle. Heck, we don't always have to go into battle in the first place. We don't have to be first all the time. We can allow someone else to win, to lead, to be in front, to have their way, to be right, to be in the spotlight & so on.
When someone is rambling on & on, we can of course shoot them a rude retort & they will hopefully shut up. OR............wait for it......
We can be NICE!! We can try to see that perhaps they may have the need to be heard, probably more than they have the need to speak. We can give them the kindness of listening, faking an attentive nod & mutter a pretend "uh huh" now & then. But if we can't manage that, we can at least tell them kindly that we'd love to hear more, but we have to floss our teeth or plunge the toilet or something.
When that lady at the store who stood behind you in line rudely insists that she was first, when she obviously was not, you can choose to stand up to her & make an awkward scene, or you can ignore her & "pick your battles", deciding that this is one battle not worth your time. You can show her kindness.
When your spouse or child does something that upsets you, you can choose to look for a bad motive on their part, or you can give them the benefit of the doubt. Nine times out of ten, giving others the benefit of the doubt BEFORE reacting, prevents conflicts.
Many conflicts can be avoided if people would give others the benefit of the doubt before reacting to upsetting behaviors. Any parent of a teenager can vouch for that. Teens are often quick to jump to conclusions & then reacting, & parents are often quick to mis-read a teenager's motives as being driven by disrespect or defiance, when those thoughts might not have even entered their teenager's mind.
One can be kind by simply smiling at someone. You'd be surprised at the tone that is set with a smile. Some people having a bad day can change their demeanor just because someone smiled at them.
Think that being kind makes you weak? Quite the contrary. It can make you strong. Anyone can be mean. No strength is required to be rude. It takes a strong-minded person to extend kindness to someone who may seem unworthy.
People sometimes fear kindness because being kind makes one vulnerable. Don't mistake kindness for being vulnerable to being hurt. You will be hurt in life whether you choose to be kind or not. Being kind actually can bring good things your way because people respond better to kindness than to being treated poorly.
Even if the service at the restaurant isn't the best, leaving a tip for your server is an act of kindness that shows that you appreciate your server bringing you food. Servers often depend on these tips to bridge the gap between low wages & their ability to pay their bills. Likewise, treating anyone who serves you, with basic respect & kindness, whether it's your hairdresser, manicurist, cashier etc., can have a domino effect, whereby that person will likely pass the kindness shown to them, on to someone else.
Is it REALLY that important to be in front of the other driver, so much so that you won't allow them to enter your lane? Could you not have allowed them to be in your lane for just a few seconds so that they could make their exit? What will you gain by inconveniencing another driver intentionally, whose only "offense" was that they needed to get into your lane so that they could exit the freeway? Showing courtesy to other drivers is an act of kindness & could even prevent an accident.
 |
| Photo: all-free-download.com |
When people are rude, boorish, obnoxious, overly needy or demanding or just plain mean, you can make the choice that you are going to extend kindness to them. It might make the difference between that person continuing to have a rotten day, or their day getting just a little bit brighter. Don't care if their day is brighter? That's fine. Make your own day brighter by being kind. It actually works!
**Have an opinion about this post? I would truly appreciate your feedback in the comment section below, or in the confidential feedback form on this page.**
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