On Being the Mother of a Soldier - Part 2

Arriving at Fort Knox
(faces & details obscured for Opsec reasons)

The day my son Justin first arrived at Fort Knox, Kentucky for his Basic Training, was a difficult one for him obviously, but also for me, for his stepfather & for his sister. It was on that day that I realized that my son, my child (albeit my grown child, but my child just the same), was no longer within my sphere of protection & that I no longer had any control over what happened to him. He was a new Private, with the rank of PV2. His was one rank below a PFC, or Private First Class, but a Private nonetheless, with all the treatment that goes along with being the lowest rank in the Army. I knew that he was going to have a difficult time at Basic Training, as they all do. 

Because he had grown up in a stressful home environment (prior to my marrying his stepfather), where there was constant conflict between both parents & where he experienced abuse, I worried about how it would affect him when his drill sergeants yelled at him. I wouldn't be there to shield him from that, nor to try to make things better, & I knew that I shouldn't be, even if I could be. I mean, no young man is going to appreciate their mother coming to their aid when they are being taught what it is to be a man & are being prepared for life as a soldier. Still, I wished I could call him, just to hear his voice & know that he was okay, but I had to wait until he called me, because the soldiers in his platoon were not allowed to have cell phones, & any pay phone privileges had to be earned.

About a week or so after Justin began his Basic Training, I received his first letter home. I was quite surprised to hear from him so quickly. His letter showed that he was a bit overwhelmed, from getting his uniform & all necessary supplies, to having his haircut & then being made to pay for his Army photo (that they required him to have taken), to standing in line, awaiting his turn to be poked & prodded during his physical exam, & to being immersed in the ways of Army life. At the time he wrote that first letter, he was just beginning the early stages of training, & life was hard. He talked about eating meals so quickly that he had to eat while walking to his seat, because he had only about five minutes to eat. He talked about taking 30 second showers, & record-timing bathroom "dumps". Practically everything he did, he had to do on the run.

Basic Training
(faces & details obscured for Opsec reasons)

Once I received his first letter, I immediately set about the business of writing him back. I tried to write to him about 2-3 times a week if I could. I knew how important it was for his morale, to receive mail from home. Seasoned soldiers will tell you that Basic Training is easy compared to some of the things they have to do while deployed. Brand new soldiers on the other hand, see their life in Basic Training as a daily struggle in misery & despair. My son was no exception. The task of taking a civilian & turning that person into a soldier, is not always an easy one, & it can be a shock to the system. I started receiving letters from Justin, asking me to please write to him because he needed to be reminded that what he was experiencing was not all there was in his existence. Those letters made me cry, & I seldom cry. There was nothing I could do to help him. I was heart-broken to think that my poor son had thought I hadn't written to him, when I had already written him several letters by that point, but he just hadn't received them yet. I hated to know that he thought I didn't care.

Road March to the Bayonet Course
(faces & details obscured for Opsec reasons)

Finally, his letters began to show signs of optimism & pride in becoming a soldier. Still, he hated it there & was desperate to get off post, if only for a day. Family Day Weekend was coming up, & he asked me to attend. Living in California & with money being tight, I couldn't afford to fly to Kentucky to see him for that special weekend & attend his graduation later on too. He told me that graduation was only for a brief time, after which the soldiers would be dismissed to either go home for leave or to go to their first duty station. He told me that if I could only make it to one event, he preferred that I come to Family Day Weekend, so that I could sign him out, & he could get off the post for a couple days. He pleaded with me to come, as he was desperate to get off post, & couldn't do so without a family member signing him out. He had made a friend there, whose family couldn't make it that weekend, but could only come for graduation instead. He asked me to sign his friend out too, which I did. My husband was unable to make the trip, much as he wanted to be there, but my daughter & I were able to see him. It was so wonderful to see my son, but I noticed a big change in him.

Firing Range
(faces & details obscured for Opsec reasons)

Gone was the cocky, arrogant attitude, laced with disrespect for authority, which had been a part of my son's personality during his teenage years. As he entered adulthood, those traits began to lessen, & we were forming a strong mother-son bond. We could talk about anything, & we did. I remember when he turned 18 & refused to register for Selective Service, stating that he didn't believe the government had a right to force someone into compulsory military service. My husband & I explained to him that the draft hadn't been in place for years, & that it wasn't likely to be reinstated for quite some time. Still, he refused to register, until he received a sternly worded letter from the government, telling him about the very hefty fine & jail time he would be facing if he didn't comply. My husband explained to him again, that registering did not mean he would automatically be forced to serve, & that even in the unlikely event that the draft was reinstated, he could petition to be excused as a conscientious objector.

He reluctantly filled out the form & registered for Selective Service. It was because of his resistance to registering for Selective Service, that I was greatly surprised when, after spending the weekend with a step-cousin who is a Marine, that he asked me to drive him to the recruiter's office so that he could join the Army. I refused, because my mother's heart worried for his safety if he joined the Army. He told me that if I didn't drive him, he would walk (he didn't have a car, & it was a good 5 miles in the middle of summer). Needless to say, I drove him to the recruiter, but I "had words" with the sergeant, telling him in no uncertain terms, that they had better take good care of my son. Apparently the sergeant had heard these words before. 

Well, back to Family Day Weekend. What I saw made me both instantly proud & worried at the same time. I loved being in the presence of all those soldiers, because I have always been patriotic & have had the deepest respect for all who serve. Seeing the order & the regimented way of doing things was quite impressive, as was seeing all the military vehicles. We couldn't talk to our soldiers until they were dismissed. We filed into a theater, where all the new soldiers had been seated in several rows. There was a presentation & a humorous skit depicting the change that comes when a person is transformed from a civilian into a soldier. Afterwards, they had to file out, & they were not allowed to look around or speak to anyone, upon the threat of having their weekend pass taken away if they did. We followed them outside, & as they stood in formation, I was able to finally make eye contact with Justin. He looked me in the eye, but did not even crack the slightest hint of a smile. His look was so brief, it was almost unnoticeable. Once I was able to sign him & his friend out, & leave the post, our first stop was to a convenience store so that the guys could buy some junk food. They had been denied any form of junk food up until then. They could not completely relax & let what little hair they had down until we got to our hotel.

First stop on Family Day Weekend:
Circle-K, for some junk food

It was a wonderful, relaxing weekend for the guys, although my son could not fully let his guard down, certain that if he did, he would be punished for some perceived infraction when he got back to the post. He was changed. His spirit had been broken, & he had lost his cockiness that he came to Fort Knox with when he began his Basic Training. 

I remember a story he told me about his first run-in with his drill sergeant. Apparently, instead of stating that you want to have a conversation, or saying that you are about to converse with someone, many in the Army prefer to use the word "conversate". Well, my son being who he is, a person who must insist on correcting poor English or bad spelling, thought he was being helpful when he attempted to help his drill sergeant out with this grammar faux pas. The drill sergeant didn't take too kindly to my young private son, telling him that he would gain more respect & his instructions would be taken more seriously, if he used proper grammar. My son then proceeded to tell his drill sergeant the proper way of using any form of the verb "converse". When his sergeant then told him to "beat your face", my son replied with "why would I want to beat my face sir?", clearly not understanding what that expression meant. He learned that "beat your face" meant to do push-ups. Fortunately for him, my son excelled in push-ups, so the sergeant's desired discomfort for my son from the punishment, was not achieved. The platoon t-shirts the soldiers were given after their training was completed, had the expression "beat your face" written on it. 
  

Justin at our hotel on
Family Day Weekend

I had the chance to meet the drill sergeant, as I was returning my son & his buddy back to the post at the end of the weekend. I did not like the man. He was stern, unfriendly, & came across to me as a complete & utter jerk. I could not make it to Justin's graduation a few weeks later, & his buddy's family could not make it to Family Day Weekend. I treated Justin's buddy as my own son for Family Day Weekend, & his mother treated Justin as her son for graduation, & even drove him to the airport for his flight home. When Justin got home, I had never been so excited to see him. Once home & relaxed, he opened up his keepsake book that they handed out at graduation, & he showed me the pictures of his drill sergeants. When he pointed to the one I had met, I said "I don't like him. He's a real jerk". To my surprise, Justin said "don't ever say anything bad about Sergeant (insert name). He's a very good sergeant, & he cares about each of us. He was hard on us because he wanted to teach us how to be good soldiers, & he wanted to make sure that if we had to fight, we would be prepared". It was at that moment, seeing the camaraderie my son now had toward his fellow soldiers, the respect he had for his leaders, & the self-respect he had gained, as well as his determination to be the best that he could be, that I realized that my little boy had indeed become a man. 

More to follow in my third & final post on the subject of what it's like to be the mother of a soldier.

*NOTE: In the photos, you will notice that faces & details have been obscured due to "Opsec" reasons. "Opsec" stands for Operational Security. While I'm fairly certain that nothing in these photos will violate any security, I wanted to obscure faces & details, since I would rather exercise extra caution when posting photos of military training activities on a military post. I also wanted to protect my son's privacy, by some of the details I obscured.