The Icky Topic of Suicide

Oh sure, you clicked on this post because the topic of suicide is on everybody's Top 10 List of favorite subjects to read about, right? Well, it's not the most pleasant of topics, but an important one nonetheless.

Maybe you're reading this because you know someone who you think may be struggling with suicidal thoughts. Perhaps you've been affected by the death of someone close to you, who took their own life. Maybe you're considering suicide yourself. Or maybe you're just curious about something that seems to have such a grip on people, & you wonder why.

Kindness

People often think it takes a lot of effort to be kind, especially when the person one is trying to be kind to has just severed that person's last nerve.

Being kind is a choice. We can choose to be polite, kind, compassionate, patient, considerate etc., or we can choose to be difficult, obstinate, rude, inconsiderate, mean, vindictive & the list goes on.

If I Were in Charge of the Country

If I were in charge of the country, I would not be in charge of the country. Why? Because I would remember that our Founding Fathers desired that there be a system of checks & balances in our government, wherein no one branch has more power than another. I would remember that those in charge of the country are not those in Washington D.C., but rather the very people of this great nation. 

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I would remember that I am a servant of the people, not a dignitary with with so much clout that laws can be disregarded or manipulated, power can be abused, & rights can be stripped away. I would remember that I do not have real power, but am only a figure-head who takes both the blame & the glory for all things good or bad that happen in this nation.

I would, in my service to this country, remember that we are all immigrants. Yes, I, a direct descendant of William Bradford, a Mayflower Pilgrim & the 2nd governor of Plymouth Plantation in the 1600's, am descended from immigrants. Even I, a person whose ancestors on my father's side, were Cherokee Indians who have been here for probably a few thousand years, am still one descended from immigrants, because all of us either came here from somewhere else, or our ancestors did. 

I would remember this when making decisions concerning immigration & the rights of those desiring to live here. I would try to enact policies that are both fair to those citizens & taxpayers who already live in the U.S., as well as to those who hope to make America their home.

If I were "in charge" of this country, I would not surround myself with those who will scratch my back if I scratch theirs. I would surround myself with advisers who represent every faction of society, & would listen to their input before making decisions that affect those whom they represent.

I would not use taxpayer dollars to fund wasteful spending. I would seek the counsel of financial advisers & economists. I would not give money to bail out banking & auto industries who fail in their duties, but would instead, if it ever became necessary, give every single American & legal resident of the United States, the same money that has been given to the banking & auto industries during the last bailout, divided as a per capita amount, & use it to allow Americans to stimulate a hurting economy, as they pay off bills, keep up with their mortgage & car payments, & stimulate the economy with their spending. That would be a far better use of any bailout money. 

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I would not bail out anyone in the first place however, because I would make sure that the people's trust in their government is not misplaced, & I would do all I can to ensure responsible government spending that makes a government bailout unnecessary in the first place.

I would get rid of tax loopholes for the rich & push for a flat tax rate for every American. This way, no one economic class of people bears the biggest share of the tax burden, & what is taxed, is a fair share for every American. I would not tax a higher rate than the Lord God Almighty asks us to give in our tithes & offerings to the Lord. If God asks for only 10%, why does our government think they deserve 15, 20, 30% or more? This is wrong. 

Our government has shown that it is not responsible with the money we have entrusted it with. What God can do with 10% is far more than what we can do with 100%. Let our government make responsible financial decisions with 10% taxpayer income. I can guarantee there will be a lot stricter oversight & less wasteful spending & "mutual back scratching" with taxpayer dollars if there is a 10% tax limit.

If I were "in charge" of the country, I would make sure that we have a strong military to defend our nation. I would not send our troops to fight other nations' battles, unless doing so ensures peace & security for our own nation. If it becomes necessary to send our troops into battle, I would make sure that they are equipped to the fullest, to be able to perform the duties of their job & not be sent on a mission that they have to be creative with their resources in order to fulfill. 

I would push for legislation to reward all those who serve in our nation's military, with full health care for life, college education so that veterans can transition into civilian employment upon leaving the military, & a fair & equitable retirement & disability program for our military. I would put into place government programs that assist veterans with transitioning into civilian life, both immediately after their service, & any time during the course of their lives if they run into life difficulties or issues that could render them homeless. NO veteran should ever be homeless. The mere thought is reprehensible!

 I would do all I can to ensure that those in the military who have been diagnosed with any disability as a result of their service in the military, do not have to wait for their disability health care benefits & pay to kick in, but will receive it within 30 days at the most, from the date it is applied for. It is deplorable that veterans are dying while awaiting treatment, & some veterans' lives & relationships are being severely negatively impacted because they are having to wait far too long for benefits they so rightly deserve, as thanks from a grateful nation for their service & sacrifice. For any member of the military who dies while serving, I would ensure that they have full military honors & death benefits, whether or not they died in battle, by accident here at home, or by suicide. Every member of our military deserves appreciation for their service, to include death benefits for their surviving family members.

Photo: Cari Kissel, Ft Rosecrans National Cemetery

If I were "in charge" of the country, before declaring war with any nation & sending troops to far off lands, I would send representatives of our government, starting with myself, to that nation & live under the same conditions that our troops are expected to live under, for one week. Wars won't last as long & resources would be more readily available when those making the decisions to send troops to war know first hand what those troops would be experiencing. It's similar to when medical school students are made to "be the patient", in order to understand things from the patient's perspective.

My son in Afghanistan

If I were "in charge", I would be a strong leader who would not bow down to this world's bullies, negotiate with terrorists, make deals or exchanges with terrorists, nor apologize for taking action that is right in the sight of God & any reasonable citizen of this world. I would render aid to the defenseless & then bow out once we are no longer needed. I would not push American values on other nations, but respect each nation's right to self-government. 

I would not spend time on TV talk shows, but rather hold monthly town hall meetings, whether in person or via satellite in individual cities & towns, where I can hear the views & concerns of our citizens. I would hire extra staff to process emails, letters & calls & to forward all concerns having to do with someone's health, well-being or livelihood, to the office of the President for consideration. What good is a servant of the people if that person is not in touch with the people being served? Yes, that would make the President a very busy person indeed. My hair would turn gray & I would age quickly, just like every President before me.

If I were "in charge" of the country, I would remember that I am limited to two terms in office, & that I am not entitled to special taxpayer paid privileges beyond personal security, retirement benefits, & health care, once I leave office. It would be my own responsibility to foot the cost of my own vacations & housing costs, as well as education costs for my children, both during my time in office & after. 

Finally, if I were "in charge", I would push for term limits for members of Congress. There should be no "career politicians" in Washington, who have remained in office so long, that they have forgotten that the people hold the power, not the government & those running it. 

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I would respect the rights of our citizens & not twist our Constitution to deny any American their rights. The Separation of Church & State is one such example. It was intended to prevent the government from imposing religion upon its citizens. It was not intended to deny religious practices from public facilities or prayer in government meetings or public places. It was intended to protect religious freedom, not to limit it, as is happening today.

That all said, none of my views are intended to bash our government's current administration, or any administration prior to this one. It is simply my own views of how I would "run things", if I were "in charge" of the country.

 **Have an opinion about this post? I would truly appreciate your feedback in the comment section below, or in the confidential feedback form on this page.**

Reflections On Marriage

People say that marriage takes a lot of work. It's true. Having a lasting & loving marriage does take work...but that work doesn't have to be a drudgery. In fact, if good habits are a part of daily life, then it might not feel like work at all. 

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I've been married before. He was my first true love & I thought he would be my last. I think I was in love with the idea of being in love. It was a happy marriage at first, but began to unravel slowly with the passage of time, & ended in divorce after 20 years.

I never intended to marry again, but then I met my husband Matt. Before I dated him, I took a personal inventory & came to the conclusion that although I felt justified in my desire to divorce, I contributed plenty to the destruction of my marriage. 

Marriage really is a 50-50 thing. By that, I don't mean that both individuals are equally at fault if things go wrong. Sometimes one spouse brings a lot more pain to the table than the other one does.  

What I mean rather, is that regardless of who did what, both people are equally responsible to put forth their best effort into making their marriage work. If one person gives 70% effort & the other person gives only 30%, then neither person is doing all they can do for their marriage.   

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In my marriage now, I have tried not to repeat the same mistakes I made the first time around. I still fall into old habits now & then, but thankfully, my husband loves me enough to accept me & be patient with me anyway. My marriage isn't perfect. Whose is? Marriage takes work & commitment, & a desire to not give up, whether or not the feelings of being "in love" come or go.

When I married the first time, my former father-in-law married us. I'll never forget his words, which have guided me to this day:

"Each day, you must decide that you want to be married".

Think about that sentence. Really think about it. I thought about this sentence long & hard before I filed for divorce. During the ups & downs in my marriage now, I have been so used to making this daily decision to be married, that I no longer have to. It's as natural as breathing.

Some very simple things I've learned, which I think can benefit others as well, because they stem from common sense, are:

1) Decide to be married on a daily basis.
2) Treat your spouse the way you would want to be treated - don't be selfish. Taking care of oneself is one thing. Being selfish is another.
3) Don't hold a grudge, & don't keep bringing up past hurts.
4) Be patient & considerate.
5) Be kind & understanding.
6) Forgive one another.
7) If you feel you are not being understood, then find a way to BE understood.... but be nice in your attempts.
8) Be a good communicator....snide comments, being rude or passive-aggressive, game-playing, being bossy or controlling, losing your temper, shouting, manipulating, putting the other person down or acting superior to them etc., are all sure ways to hurt your marriage & bring yourself misery & stress. Be kind & thoughtful in your communication.
9) Never give up.
10) Take one day at a time.... Let each day begin with a clean slate.
11) Women: don't nag, & don't scold or correct your husband....Don't emasculate him.
12) Men: Listen to your wife.... Make her feel safe, emotionally & physically.... Show her that her needs & feelings matter.
13) Don't insist on being right. It's okay to allow the other person to be right, even if you feel they are not. You can be right if you insist on being right...if you're okay with being alone.
14) Don't be bossy or controlling. Your spouse is not your child. Remember that.
15) Don't be mean. Your spouse is the one person you should be able to count on to have your back. Don't stab them in theirs.
16) Don't take life so seriously. Laugh a little. Be silly now & then.

Okay, so this is a lengthy list, but if you remember nothing at all from this post, remember this:

Nobody can read minds. People respond better to kind & considerate communication than to nasty, hurtful words or actions. Don't hold grudges & don't withhold apologies when an apology is due. Treat one another with mutual love & respect. Remember that being "in love" is just a feeling of intense attraction. It comes & goes & is not an indicator of lasting love. Deciding that the other person is worth loving & then setting about to love that person......that's what true love is. See? It's really not all that complicated after all!!



 **Have an opinion about this post? I would truly appreciate your feedback in the comment section below, or in the confidential feedback form on this page.**

What is Family?

What is "family"? Everyone has their own specific definition of what family is, based on their upbringing, life experiences, & beliefs. I grew up in a "typical" American family: with a mother & father who married young & remained married till death...a family with siblings, pets, a house in the suburbs...the whole nine yards.

Nylons Under Those Dresses, Ladies....Please!!!

What are nylons, you may ask? Well, they are those stretchy stockings that can extend up the calf to the knee or all the way to the hip. They are typically worn by women under dresses (or at least they used to be) in order to improve the appearance of a woman's legs & smooth out imperfections, giving the legs a more polished look.

Forsaken by God??

The following is the result of some reflection, as I've been dealing with lots of stuff lately. It is my hope that whether or not someone shares my beliefs or agrees with my words, that what I am sharing here will at least provide some food for thought.

Trust...Betraying, Earning, Keeping

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When you place your trust in someone or something, you are putting your faith, assurance, & belief out there, that what you expect or believe in, will happen. When you step on a plane for example, you trust that the pilot will fly you to your destination safely. When you send your child to school, you trust that your child will learn in a safe environment. When someone says that they love you, you trust that they're telling you the truth.

What is Love, Really?

Ah, the age-old question: What is love??? Is love real? Is it available to everyone?

Of course it's real!! And yes, everyone can find & experience it.

Love isn't just romantic, you know. It's not just a feeling.....it's a "doing". 

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Whether you apply the concept of love to a romantic relationship, or to a family member or friend, or whether you show love to your fellow man.... love is something that when applied the right way, just makes everything better.

A person doesn't have to believe in the words of the Bible if they don't want to. I'm not asking anyone to believe in God, although I would be happy to think that those reading this know that God loves them. But here's the thing: no matter what a person's beliefs are, one can't deny the wisdom in the following passage of the Bible. This passage is often referred to as "The Love Chapter", & it can be found in 1 Corinthians 13. It's a small chapter, with only 13 verses, but verses 4-7 are especially important:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast. It is not proud.

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered.

It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Now of course I could expound on the above Bible verses, but what more needs to be said? It already says it all. Now if we could all treat our fellow man, our friends & loved ones with this type of love, the world would indeed be a better place!

 **Have an opinion about this post? I would truly appreciate your feedback in the comment section below, or in the confidential feedback form on this page.**

Moving On

What does it mean to move on? When someone you love dies, there are always those who will feel you have grieved long enough, & will tell you it's time for you to move on (for the record, people should be able to move on from their grief when they are ready...not when someone says they should). Then there are those whose relationships have ended, & in order to find peace, they must learn to move on. What about those who have hurt you? Would it not be easier to feed the grudge you have against them, instead of letting them "get away with it" by ignoring them or choosing to not dwell on what they did?

Reflections of Death

It's weird how one's view of life.....and death, changes through the years. When I was a child, I was afraid of death, imagining it to be some awful, painful experience that one should be terrified of. 

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