Getting Older

What is it about getting older that has people cringing? Why are we afraid of wrinkles, gray hair, & that pudge around the mid-section that just takes up residence & refuses to leave? Why is "looking older" such a bad thing? Is it because we no longer look like the vibrant, energetic individual that we once were in our youth? Why are we afraid to look less vibrant, less young? Does it make us feel vulnerable? Less attractive? Less capable? Or does it scare us because it represents an approach to a time when we may be less able to take care of ourselves or to even protect ourselves from harm? Does it make us fear that our spouse will leave us & trade us in for a newer model?

My mother (left) & me (right)
Photo: Cari Kissel

These are questions I think about as I have taken up residence in the "Middle Ages".....

When I look at myself in the mirror, I see my mother. Don't get me wrong. I loved my mother with all my heart. But I don't want to look like her. In my mind's eye, she was an old woman, albeit an old woman with the spirit of a 20-yr-old, but an old woman nonetheless. I don't like that I am seeing in me, what I saw in my mother. I didn't think twice about the lines on her face, the extra weight she carried around, the eyelids that drooped a bit over her gorgeous brown eyes, or the extra pouches around the sides of her face. But I think of these things often when I see them in the mirror & am faced with the stark reality that I am now my mother. How I saw my own mother is how my children now see me. 

Some people equate getting older with losing the capability to do the things they once were able to do with ease. Not me. I can't run a block, let alone a mile like I did in high school track, but that's due to my asthma, not my age. I don't have the energy I once had, but I'm okay with that because I like being able to relax when I need to. 

Maggie relaxing (Photo: Cari Kissel)

Some people fear getting older because it puts them closer to death. They forget that young people die too & that nobody knows when they will breathe their last breath. That's why it's important to make the most out of life & out of your relationships with those you love while you are able. I don't fear death. My faith in my Saviour Jesus Christ gives me the assurance that I will live on in Heaven after my existence here on earth ends. I just have many things I want to do before I make that trip.

My mother (left) & me (right): high school senior photo
Photo: Cari Kissel

Billions of dollars are spent every year by people fighting the aging process. Folks, we can't escape age unless we die when we're young. We don't have to surrender completely to the signs of aging, but trying to look like a 25-year-old when we are 50 or 60 is just ridiculous, especially because the Fountain of Youth does not exist & all we are doing when we try to look so young is displaying to the world our deep insecurities. Why do that, when we can better invest our time, our energies & our money doing things we love or in making sure we leave a positive legacy for the next generation? 

I admit that I don't like what I see in the mirror. I don't look like I did when I was 20. People always told me that I looked young for my age. It was difficult for some people to treat me with respect when they perceived me as a teenager & treated me as such. Now, young people call me "ma'am" & movie theater ticket sellers give me the senior discount without my having asked for it (for the record, I'm too young for that discount). I don't photograph well & any photos of myself that others can see, need to minimize my flaws. That has nothing to do with aging however, & it has everything to do with how I've always felt about my appearance. Now imagine someone who is not only insecure about their appearance, but also afraid of visibly aging. 

Maggie & me (2 months before she died)
Photo: Cari Kissel

Aging is part of life. We can either embrace it & live fully, or run from it & live in fear. I choose the former. My dog Maggie inspires me. I speak of her in the present tense even though she died 6 months ago. That's because her spirit lives on & I can still feel her love around me. Maggie was 11 when she died from leukemia. My family adopted her when she was 7 years old & so we didn't have the pleasure of seeing her as a young dog. I could see in her eyes & in her smile however, that she was quite the energetic puppy once upon a time. Even though Maggie walked VERY slowly & she labored in her breathing, she always wanted to be around her family & she still wanted to play, to go on long walks & even to roll around in the grass. She always had a smile on her face & even when she was obviously uncomfortable, she never whined or complained. It would have been okay if she had. But the way that Maggie lived her life, the way she aged, & the way she died....all are examples of how I want to approach my own life as I age. I don't see myself as a particular age because I still feel like the same young woman I was at 25. Age is a number. It doesn't have to define how we live. Age is a gift, not a curse. I intend to embrace it! How about you?

Maggie being Maggie (Photo: Cari Kissel)

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