Pardon Me, Your Self-Esteem is Showing

Today boys & girls, we are going to talk about body image & self-esteem. Yes, it may seem like a silly topic for a blog post, but in flipping through the channels on our TV, & glancing at magazine covers as I'm waiting in line to check out at the grocery store, it has become so evident that this is a topic which does not receive enough attention. One only has to look at the tabloid magazine covers to see how much our society is drawn to images of celebrities being made fun of for having visible cellulite while wearing a bikini, or other magazine covers to learn the secret of losing weight & keeping it off.

Tight-faced, big-lipped, line-free faces seem to be the only way to look if you are going to survive in Hollywood as you age. Heaven forbid a woman allows her hair to go gray, or doesn't have botox injections at the first signs of aging! Thankfully, Kate Middleton had the courage to be normal, when she stepped out of the hospital after giving birth to Prince George, & she made no attempt to hide her still existent post-baby bump! It is absolutely normal to have a baby bump after giving birth. The skin has been stretched to accommodate another human being, & it's not going to bounce back to its pre-pregnancy shape like a ball of Flubber! 

This obsession in our culture to have that perfect body image, even after giving birth, can be very emotionally damaging to people, particularly to women & girls. While guys also have their share of insecurities over body image, females are expected to be visually appealing, & it is unfair to put that type of pressure on anyone. There's a reason why many gyms exist today, that cater only to women. It can be a pretty intimidating experience for a woman with a less than perfect figure to step into a gym with all those people trying to sculpt the perfect body, especially if there are men in the gym, who they may feel are checking them out & finding them lacking. How about the poor man who steps into a gym to try to get fit, & he sees men with biceps bigger than his head? Such a man may feel too embarrassed to ask for help on the equipment, if he's never been to a gym before.

The point is, we are becoming a society of meanies. Even when there are online news stories featuring pictures of people, many who comment on such stories will often make rude, hateful comments about the person's appearance. When did it become okay for people to say whatever they wanted, no matter how mean, regarding someones appearance? What has happened to manners & simple respect? Why is it okay to make fun of the fat person or the person with acne, or burned skin, or the person with a very high metabolism that makes them very thin? What about the person who is told they are ugly? Comments to a thin person such as "you need to eat more food" or "do you make yourself throw up?" are uncalled for & cruel. The same can be said when someone looks at an obese person judgmentally as he or she puts items in their shopping carts. Hey - everyone needs to eat in order to survive. Why treat a person as if they are committing a crime because they want to eat? And who made others the Food Police? 

I know that men & boys struggle with self-esteem when it comes to body image, just as females do. How many boys are picked on because they are small in stature for their age, or they haven't hit puberty as quickly as their peers? What about the countless men in gyms who are working out, not just to be healthy & fit (which is all that many men are there to do), but because they don't feel attractive or confident unless they are sporting biceps the size of cantaloupes & they have six-pack abs? How many men feel that they have to have the right "size" equipment so to speak, in order to feel like a man? This preoccupation with perfection is a bit crazy, yet it's something a lot of men struggle with. 

And what about women? How many women undergo plastic surgery to remove lines, cellulite, or fat, or they go under the knife to get that perfect C or D-cup bra size that they are sure will make them more sexy or attractive? It can be tough when you're a kumquat type of gal, competing with a woman of grapefruit proportions. The thing is though, it shouldn't even be a competition. We should all be viewed for what's on the inside, not the out. People shouldn't be judged for how they look, but rather for how they act. 

Ladies? How many of you won't give the time of day to a man who doesn't have hair, or perhaps has too much hair? Or what if the man is too short or too tall, or isn't going to be a leading man in a movie any time soon? What if he weighs too much or dresses too geeky, but has a wonderfully kind heart & would fight to the death to defend your honor? Plenty of quality men have been passed up by women because they didn't make it past the first go-round of the Shallow Competition. Same goes for you men out there. I know plenty of women, myself included, who have been given the up & down glance of the eyes by a man, & found to be lacking. Not cool guys, not cool. If you think we ladies don't notice what you're doing, you are mistaken. To me however, when I have failed a man's Physical Desirability Test, I have always counted myself blessed that I didn't have to worry about trying to win the approval of a man who isn't worthy of the wonderful person I am. His loss. 

The bottom line is that girls are making themselves throw up, some are cutting themselves, others are retreating into deep depression, & some hide behind baggy clothes so that nobody can see exactly what size they really are. Boys & girls alike are committing suicide because of the mean taunting & cruel jokes directed at them by mean kids who feel so poorly about themselves, that they have to make someone else feel bad in order for themselves to feel better. Men & women alike are becoming addicted to plastic surgery, because it gives them a sort of euphoric high to be able to have one more perfect physical characteristic. Take a look at certain reality TV shows & you will see how much fake beauty exists today. This is all because people can't look at themselves after having been stripped naked of clothing, make-up & hair products, & still be comfortable with who they are. I'm not talking about people who need plastic surgery after injuries or disease, or who may need that boost to help them feel a bit more confident. I'm referring to those who are obsessed with physical perfection.

If a woman ages in Hollywood, she struggles to be able to get any good acting roles. If a man ages in Hollywood, he's considered sexy. When men age, they are distinguished. When women age, they are old. Look - appearance doesn't matter, unless you are getting married, going to a job interview, or are in a situation where appearance is important. People need to think before they make comments regarding anyone's appearance, even when the comment is directed at a character of a movie, book, or a complete stranger. Comments hurt those who hear them, when the comments suggest that a certain appearance is unacceptable. Don't make fun of someone for not being attractive or for being overweight, especially if you are in the company of others. When you do that, then those hearing that will feel that they must always look their best when they are around you, now that they know how you truly feel about people who may have similar characteristics to the person you just made fun of. They may feel inadequate while they are around you, because of the thoughtless things you said. Think before you critique!