Ahh the Romance....Oops, Where Did it Go?

This post is a no-brainer, but something that people struggle with all the time. While I have a Bachelor of Arts degree, it is in Business Administration, not in any area related to psychology, counseling, sociology, or any other field that would qualify me to dispense advice & give counsel to people. Lacking such credentials, I am often surprised when people come to me for relationship advice. I'm speaking of couples who are having repetitive issues that they can't seem to work out on their own - not those with a need to vent, who are seeking the advice of a friend.

I never mind giving people my two cents' worth about something if they ask. Heck, I'll even throw in a few dollars' worth just for shucks. Somehow however, people see me & start talking. I have even heard the life stories of complete strangers, as they would start talking to me in the store, the parking lot, the airport, you name it. I'm not sure why this is. Perhaps I look friendly enough, who knows?  I'm often uncomfortable dispensing advice though, because these are the relationships of others we're talking about, & people are asking my opinions on things that are really none of my business. I am not qualified to manage my own life sometimes, let alone try to help someone else with theirs.

I don't mind being a friend or confidant to people, & I'm not complaining really. Sometimes we all need to vent & seek the advice of a friend. I'm referring instead, to those people who have the same drama, different day, on a regular basis, & they haven't learned from those experiences. Rather than exercising common sense & fixing their problems, they will bring others into them & rely on someone else to right what's wrong in the relationship. It's like hearing a song played on a scratched record (okay, CD for those born after 1980), & rather than lifting up the needle, dusting off the record (CD) & replacing the record/CD & playing it on a different track, these people will keep the song playing on the same awful-sounding scratched track, & then complain that their record is scratched, to all who will hear. 

Let me be clear, in case anyone I know who may be reading this misunderstands & thinks I resent them confiding in me. I don't mind helping others. In fact, it gives me joy. But sometimes I do become emotionally exhausted when the same issues keep coming up time & time again, & there are no changes, especially when all that's needed is just a little common sense. So in light of that, let me just use the Bible as a simple reference that when used as a guide for marital or relationship bliss, it can do wonders for any relationship. Here is a caveat though: in order for any relationship to work, both parties need to work together. One person can't hold the relationship together on their own, although they can certainly try. So without further adieu, here's what I think are common sense ideas, based on Biblical principles. They'll work. Try it & you will see: 

• Be respectful toward one another. Show basic human respect.
• Don't name-call, put the other person down, bring up the past or get your digs in. Don't try to hurt the other person.
• Treat each other how you would want the other person to treat you. If you don't want to be treated badly, then don't treat the other person badly. This is also known as the "Golden Rule".
• When you listen, don't plan what you're going to say next. Actually listen to the other person.
• Don't interrupt or talk over the other person. That's rude.
• Acknowledge the other person's concerns without minimizing their feelings. Feelings are neither right nor wrong. They are feelings. You don't have to agree with them, but you should acknowledge the other person's right to have them.
• It's fine to take care of your own needs, but look out for the needs of the other person. If you both do that, then you will have less trouble.

The above tips are basic common sense, but the following is from the Bible, & if we practiced love in all our relationships, not just our romantic ones, we would all be a lot happier!

1 Corinthians 13: 4-13 ~ 

(4) Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. (5) It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. (6) Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. (7) It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
(8) Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. (9) For we know in part and we prophesy in part, (10) but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. (11) When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. (12) For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
(13) And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.