Respect

This is a long post. Brace yourselves.......

Respect was important, as I was growing up. If any of my 5 siblings or I showed disrespect toward my parents, we either got "the look" from my father, the "I'm very disappointed in you" from my mother, a spanking on the bottom (depending upon the degree of disrespect), or we were made to brush our teeth with a bar of soap (reserved for times of extreme sassing, such as the time when I yelled at the top of my lungs that I hated my father's guts, just because he scolded me for being sloppy when I was drying the dishes). Before anyone cries "ABUSE!!", let me just say that I never felt abused as a child. I grew up in a very loving home, by two very wonderful parents. My parents loved me enough to discipline me when I needed it. Back then, parents weren't afraid to discipline their kids, because it was called good parenting. I felt secure & safe because I knew what my boundaries were, & I knew my parents cared enough about me to set them.

Unlike a lot of parents today, they didn't cave in at the first sign of emotional blackmail from their kids. If you take a look at today's crime rates, teen pregnancy & suicide rates, as well as the ever-increasing prevalence of violence, bullying/harassment in the schools, & emotional problems associated with lowered self-esteem among kids & teens today, you will see that the parents of my generation & earlier, just may have been doing something right.

Obviously, there were attitudes in prior years that needed to change, such as racism that was far worse than it is today. Also, when someone was overly stressed or depressed, there was a social stigma associated with seeking counseling. People were told to buck up & suck it up. Attitudes in the medical community & society in general, toward retarded people, people with disabilities, & toward those with mental illness, were somewhat harsh & unaccepting. My mother once told me that when my brother Randy was born with Down's Syndrome, my parents were told by doctors that they shouldn't get attached to him, & should institutionalize him. Thankfully they didn't listen. Attitudes toward those with special needs & toward those with disabilities, have come a long way since then, as has respect toward such individuals. This is a good thing.

Attitudes towards one's health have progressed through the years as well...or have they? Growing up in the 1960's & 1970's, I remember watching movies where lighting up a cigarette or drinking a cocktail, were glamorized by big name movie stars. Nobody even stopped to consider that cigarettes could cause cancer & contribute to heart disease, or that people could drink & drive; nor did they consider that excessive drinking often led to alcoholism. Back then, it was all about the glamour & what appearance or image one gave off to others. At least that's how it appeared to this young girl growing up back then. I can still recall those TV commercials with the "Marlboro Man", sitting on his horse, wearing his cowboy hat tilted just so, looking so ruggedly handsome. That was a very successful advertising campaign for Marlboro cigarettes, that still strikes a chord with people today. 

Now, our celebrity culture has shifted from promoting something which can cause cancer & heart disease, to promoting unhealthy thin bodies & poor body image, as people are always trying to find ways to hide any sign of aging, weight gain, or any perceived physical imperfection. Take a look at magazine covers & all the airbrushing that is done to make people look so much different than the way they really are. Heck, I've photo-edited a few of my own photos, just for fun, because it's exciting to see wrinkles smoothed out & gray hairs darkened, with the click of the mouse. It would be extra fun if I could do this in reality, but I'm actually okay with who I am, flaws & all. It's a bit ironic though, how 30 or 40 years ago, less was known about how to be healthy, than is known today, yet with all today's knowledge & medical advances, people are unhealthier now than they were many years ago. That's because of all the stuff we do to our bodies, that we really shouldn't do. Some attitudes never go away - they just change course. But again, these attitudes have to do with respect. I'm referring to respect towards one's body, as well as towards how others look. Far too many people have enjoyed some good laughs at the expense of others, whose body image doesn't conform to someone else's standards.

Overall though, in our culture, we have shifted from a respectful society to a disrespectful one. Where people once knew their neighbors, said hello, exchanged pleasantries, held the door open for each other, trusted one another, respected personal space & boundaries, & so on, now people don't know their neighbor's names, & they handle disputes in the courtroom, or they get the police involved in their personal problems. Forget trusting one another - that's gone by the wayside too. To heck to anyone who finds someone else's behavior rude, boorish or abusive. That's their problem, right? No, it's our problem. That's because our society is crumbling around us, & people are becoming more & more self-focused, self-centered, & just plain selfish. Notice all the "self" words I used? When we continue thinking about ourselves, we aren't focusing on others. When we aren't focusing on others, we aren't showing others respect. When we don't show others respect, they don't show us respect. When nobody is respecting anyone, we have a society where people continually hurt each other, then become outraged, & look for someone to blame for the fallout that ensues.

People are disrespectful on the roadways. How many of us can recall a time when trying to get onto a freeway, someone wouldn't let us over? Or what about when we're trying to change lanes to get off at the next exit, the person in the next lane speeds up, making us miss our exit? Can you relate? When I was a retail cashier, I can't even count the number of times when a customer would call out from the line, loudly asking me to call for another cashier because the line was too long. Can people not see when someone is being overworked & doing the best they can? Do they not see that if there was someone else to call to the register, that person would have been called? I mean, what cashier will willingly ignore the opportunity to ask for help when they need it & are feeling stress? How about when one is dining in a restaurant, & a customer nit-picks over everything, & keeps the server hopping around as if that was their only customer? It's one thing if something was wrong that needed addressing, but some people simply have no respect for other people, & they think the world revolves around them. They will expect everyone to cater to their every wish, because nobody else matters.  

Oh here's a biggie for me as a parent. My children had always been taught in school to show respect for their teachers, school staff, & other students. The funny thing is though, in both of my children's middle schools (they attended different schools), respect was something that schools expected from students, but that wasn't modeled by the staff. I remember going into the school office of my son's middle school, & witnessing a student asking a staff member a simple question. The staff member spoke very rudely to that student, when the student had done absolutely nothing to deserve being spoken to in that manner. With regard to my daughter's middle school, from a teacher eating her lunch in the classroom & making my daughter wash that teacher's lunch dishes during class time, to office staff treating students with extreme rudeness & disrespect, I as a parent often wondered how they expected to teach respect to the students when they were among the worst examples of how to show respect! 

Click on any internet news story, & you will see plenty of examples of disrespect. You will first notice it in the story itself. Tales of an old person being murdered, a poor family having their Christmas presents stolen, a veteran being treated unfairly, an animal being abused & so on, are becoming increasingly common. When a person scrolls to the bottom of the news story & reads the comments from readers, that person will be amazed at all the hateful, mean-spirited & rude things that are written by people who hide behind their computer screens. Nobody would dare to say such hateful things to someones face......or would they? Anymore, it's hard to know!

How many parents have had the discussion with their kids about being respectful, only to be told by their child that they WERE being respectful, & that the parent was over-reacting? Today's kids are often very altruistic & compassionate when it comes to helping someone in need or in promoting a good cause. They are also, overall, more prone to rudeness & disrespect, because it is modeled for them by their family members, friends, television, music, social media, & others they come in contact with. Many kids (I'm not lumping all kids into this category, by any means) are so accustomed to being rude, that they don't consider their behavior as impolite. This is just what they consider to be a normal way of speaking & behaving.

Oh but let's not just focus on kids here. How many parents today talk to their kids with extreme rudeness, disrespect & meanness, just because they are the parents & they think they can? How many parents will put their own wants & desires above their child's, while they go out & party with friends, leaving their kids to fend for themselves, or have the parties right in their own homes, allowing their children to be subjected to the drunken, boorish behavior of their guests? I recall a recent news story here in my hometown, of a man & woman who left their baby daughter strapped in her car seat, in the car, overnight, while they partied & stayed away all night. The child was found dead the next day, presumably from crying so much that she went into shock. How some people can create a life, & then show absolute disrespect for that life to the point of complete disregard for that child's well-being, is beyond me. 

It all boils down to respect, or a lack of it, shall I say. Our society does not value respect, by & large. People will demand respect for their viewpoint or for their right to do the things they want to do, all while denying others that same respect. People will get angry when someone mistreats them, but often think it's okay to mistreat someone else. People have become desensitized to death & violence, & the things that used to cause extreme shock, are now commonplace, & don't even elicit a reaction from people. People will cry out that they are victims of racism, all while they are being racist themselves. I don't care what race is doing the crying - it's getting ridiculous. People will vandalize someones car if left on the street in the wrong place, at the wrong time, not even caring that someone may be working a minimum wage job or have too many bills to be able to afford to repair their vehicle, & if they can't drive to work, they will lose their job. 

We live in a "take, take, take,...me, me, me" society. It's very sad. BUT.....there are also an AWFUL LOT of very good people everywhere you look. These are the people who will rally behind someone whose house burned down & will provide meals, clothing & shelter until they can get on their feet. There are children who are taking up the cause to help someone in need, & they will arrange fundraisers & rallies for that purpose. Good Samaritans are lending a  hand everywhere we turn. There is good in people, along with the bad. I just think that it's high time that the good in all of us, motivates us to help bring back some basic respect for one & all.